Tag Archives: hold on

H – E – L – P

I yelled as loud as I could.  To the top of my lungs.  Feeling it down in my toes.

 “H E L P ! ! !”

No one heard me.  I was alone in the house.  I was being overwhelmed with waves of, well, everything. I felt as if I were drowning and there were no other people around to see me going under.  I yelled it again, even louder this time.

 “HELP! I need help here!”  

I put my head down into my hands and pressed the heel of my palms into my eyes so hard, I began to see those colored, swirling lights.  I took a deep breath.  I looked at my checkbook again.  Nope, the numbers were still the same.  

I was a single mom, with two teenagers.  One about to enter college.  I had a sick mother who lived three hundred miles away that I drove to see as often as I could.  I was working two sometimes three jobs.  Still there were months were there were more days than money.  I needed help.  

I opened my Bible, l was going to pray over my checkbook and my children’s future.  I had done this before, this was not some pop-up inspiration that was going to be an instant miracle.  I knew this.  But, I knew, right then, I needed help and my help came from the Lord and His word.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I decided my fear of being overwhelmed was going to leave.  I was being lifted up by the hand of God.  He was holding me as a father does their child.  No miracle cure for my checkbook, but a comfort, a peace that let me know,

“Susan, I’m here.  I’ve not let go.  You can do this thing.  
You can make this work.  I will be here, you are not alone.”

I scanned down a bit further.  The words seemed to dance in front of my eyes.  Maybe from tears, maybe for joy, but they danced.  

Isaiah 41:13

For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.

He promised! He was going to help me! 

Peace surrounded me that day at my little table.  I paid my bills that day, not shoving them aside in fear.  I trusted that things would be better.  I knew I was not alone. I had help.  

My fear of not being enough, of not doing enough, of not having enough overwhelmed me that day so long ago.  It has tried to visit me again on other occasions.  Sometimes I have forgotten and opened the door.  Then I am reminded of  His promise – I Am Not Alone.   

You are not alone, you have the same help and safety.  

His promises are there for us all.  

 

 

Never Let Go

I had always said God had to get me flat on my back to get me to listen.  Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish His voice from the chorus in our brains.  I just didn’t know that God would take me so literal.

 

You see, my past few years have been filled with depression and panic.  I found every day a struggle.  I questioned everything, including my faith.  Then to add fuel to that already burning funeral pyre, I was downsized.  A forty-something, unemployed woman, recovering from the darkness called depression.  Where was I to go?  The church of course.  I was going to help prepare for the children’s Christmas program.

 

The stage was set, everything was all done and we were ready for Christmas!  I was very proud of our efforts.  I went to quickly grab my shoes so everyone could get the full effect.  That is when it happened.  I stepped out into thin air, then did my best ballerina spin and promptly landed, without any pomp or ceremony, on the sanctuary platform.  I heard a scream and realized it was mine, then I remembered the crunching sound.  

 

After my pride had taken its fair share of blows, it was found that I had broken not one but both feet, broke one ankle and severely sprained the other.  I was literally flat on my back.  I was to be fairly immobile for the next four months.  There was nowhere to run, and distractions were pretty much always out of reach.

 

On New Year’s Eve, I was alone, or so I thought.  I received a text from a friend with the usual New Year cheer, at the end she referenced an old hymn. The moment I read that simple text, I was immediately transported to a church service long ago.  It was one of those services where even the small children could feel the movement of the Lord.  I heard my mother’s voice so clear, singing that hymn.  I felt His presence on the couch with my feet in casts. Love and hope coursed through me.  The words began to flow, making me smile:

 

“Time is filled with swift transition,

Naught of earth unmoved can stand,

Build your hopes on things eternal,

Hold to God’s unchanging hand.”

 

My heart soared! My circumstances did not matter.  

There was more than this, I was never letting go of God’s unchanging hand.