I yelled as loud as I could. To the top of my lungs. Feeling it down in my toes.
“H E L P ! ! !”
No one heard me. I was alone in the house. I was being overwhelmed with waves of, well, everything. I felt as if I were drowning and there were no other people around to see me going under. I yelled it again, even louder this time.
“HELP! I need help here!”
I put my head down into my hands and pressed the heel of my palms into my eyes so hard, I began to see those colored, swirling lights. I took a deep breath. I looked at my checkbook again. Nope, the numbers were still the same.
I was a single mom, with two teenagers. One about to enter college. I had a sick mother who lived three hundred miles away that I drove to see as often as I could. I was working two sometimes three jobs. Still there were months were there were more days than money. I needed help.
I opened my Bible, l was going to pray over my checkbook and my children’s future. I had done this before, this was not some pop-up inspiration that was going to be an instant miracle. I knew this. But, I knew, right then, I needed help and my help came from the Lord and His word.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I decided my fear of being overwhelmed was going to leave. I was being lifted up by the hand of God. He was holding me as a father does their child. No miracle cure for my checkbook, but a comfort, a peace that let me know,
“Susan, I’m here. I’ve not let go. You can do this thing.
You can make this work. I will be here, you are not alone.”
I scanned down a bit further. The words seemed to dance in front of my eyes. Maybe from tears, maybe for joy, but they danced.
For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
He promised! He was going to help me!
Peace surrounded me that day at my little table. I paid my bills that day, not shoving them aside in fear. I trusted that things would be better. I knew I was not alone. I had help.
My fear of not being enough, of not doing enough, of not having enough overwhelmed me that day so long ago. It has tried to visit me again on other occasions. Sometimes I have forgotten and opened the door. Then I am reminded of His promise – I Am Not Alone.
You are not alone, you have the same help and safety.
His promises are there for us all.